I find myself lost in the space in between. In the space of becoming. Where my old self no longer exists, but my new self isn’t quite whole, quite established yet. It is terrifying. It is unfamiliar. It is beautiful. It is grace. 

Back in Bali after spending a month home in my parents house planning my next steps, I quit my job and travelled for 3 months, I had made a complete 360 in my life and have no idea what my next steps were. All I knew what that I couldn’t go back, I had somewhat unwilling begun the process of complete transformation, in which every cell in my body was changing and the only option remaining was to go forward. But I don’t yet know what going forward is. I feet extremely lost, unsure and scared. I turned down a well paid promotion, a choice to live in a beautiful part of my home country because I somewhere deep down I wanted more. The universe does not want you to play small, to live small, to be small, to experience small. It wants you to LIVE. 

Ubud is a collection of the lost, of the becoming. It is a spiritual wonderland with abundant opportunities to explore. Feeling lost myself but wanted to figure it, to find guidance or some kind, to lean into my surroundings I signed up for a water temple and shaman experience. I had previously undertaken the sacred purification ritual at the well known Tirta Empul Temple as a part of the graduation for my yoga teacher training, so I knew how powerful and truly wonderful these experiences could be. And perhaps the shaman could tell me what was next, where I should go, what I should do (hint she did not, because that is my journey not hers – of course, cosmic laughter, oh the joy). 

We woke up with the sun and travelled to Pura Mengening in Tampasksiring to be alone in the temple to undergo the purification ritual not only in privacy but with the bliss that we could take our time. The concept is to pray for safe entry and acceptance; for cleansing and purification of the mind, body and spirit, to release any blockages from love and abundance; and to pray for help with manifesting your dreams. Walking into the temple you walk down a large flight of stairs, and with each step you release your attachments to the external world, to your mind to your ego, so that you enter the temple as your self, wholly present. I could feel something immediately, there was something so sacred about the area, as if the air felt denser. A beautiful huge banyan tree is right in the centre of the entrance, you feel a great sense of reverence for as you make your way down to the purification area. 

Once We began with prayers to your personal god, to the god of the sun and the light, to the water spirits and the temple spirits. We prayed for safe passage and for help with manifesting our dreams. In the water you undergo the purification under each fountain. The first was for maifesting your dreams. Then there were 5 for release for your mind, body and soul, love and abundance. Under the foundation for spirit I found emotions, deep sensations arise in my body, a sadness, a loneliness, I let it come up and pass. After coming out of the fountain I found myself feeling so light, I easily let in the love and abundance of the next two, I felt such a light stay of happiness. A subtle state of bliss. 

The Shaman experience however was rather quite jarring, not such a bliss filled experience but instead really highlighted my fear of this space in between. It included an energy reading, birthdate reading and palm reading. The Shaman herself was lovely, she was warm but spoke no English so we had a translator with us. 

Here is a few things she shared with me:
For my energy I need to practice more to strengthen it. I was also closed and I need to learn to be more open and confident, to trust myself and my path. 
I was carrying a very heavy backpack that was making me slow and heavy, with someone holding onto the backpack pulling me back. A past conflict that was not yet clear or unfinished, I needed to make clear and done. 
Self transformation was important as soon as possible, I needed to become more self conscious to recognise myself and my energy and to move out of a circle of bad energy as soon as possible. Not ominous at all.
From my birthday date this year (2024) would be one of equal positive and negative, to not focus on the thoughts that bring me down but rather reflect on the growth and self improvement.

I am still more lost than found, but what is life is not change, evolution, transformation. See you on the other side.


Love ora x