At the very beginning of my journey, when I finally got quiet enough and brave enough to listen to the pain within I felt like I was drowning in an ocean. It was terrifying and overwhelming the grief I felt. This is where in the past I would turn to any and all coping mechanisms available: exercise, friends, travel running away, alcohol, food, tv and scrolling, coffee and productivity, everything and anything under the sun to avoid the ocean.

That ocean is from the perspective of my baby child self, the fear, the abandonment, the lack of feeling seen or loved. My body, my subconscious had not processed any of this and would on autopilot pull up this response whenever I was triggered or delved deep. The truth I have grasped is what appeared to be an ocean to my baby self is the playful shallows, lapping over my legs. As an adult I have the knowledge, the tools, and the capacity to not only be okay in the ocean but to have fun in it. Alchemy.


Love ora x